Christmas Present.

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. Eve loves everything she got and was a total angel all weekend. On Christmas Eve we had my grandma over so we could give her gifts and spend a little time with her. She is doing surprisingly well considering how sick she is. The girls got new pajamas. We frosted cookies and left them out for Santa. Eve got Santa a glass of water because she didn't think he would like milk and we left out carrots for the reindeer. On Christmas we woke up about 8:30 am. Eve was so excited that Santa ate up all her cookies and the reindeer ate the carrots and she thought it was really silly that Santa left 1 sip of water in the cup. Bella (my niece found the pickle in the tree.) I swear she woke up in the middle of the night and found it because she found it in about 2 seconds flat and it was hidden really well. It took the girls well over an hour to open all their presents. They loved every single thing they got. Adam totally spoiled me this year. I am so thankful for such a loving and thoughtful husband. We headed up to Sedona around 1 pm and it rained on us the whole way. We got to Adams parents house and enjoyed a nice relaxing weekend up there. Eve got a bunch of toys from them and she had a blast. Milo enjoyed all the good food that Adam's mom cooked for us. He has not stopped moving since Christmas. It was cold as all heck there though one morning we woke up it was 27 degrees. It snowed farther north. We came back home and enjoyed a few more days with my brother and niece and now they are back in WI. Things have settled here a bit and we are trying to figure out how we will move forward in the new year. Here are a few photos of our Christmas.

Eve's Potty Dolly from Santa.

Adam, Eve, and Bella. Eve totally adores Bella.

Opening her mound of presents.

Cake mix for the Easy Bake oven.

The cradle for her dollies from Santa.

Also as soon as she opened up the package with the dress she is wearing in this picture her pajamas went flying off and the dress went on. She is such a girly girl.

Christmas Past

Eve loves to look at pictures of herself. She is obsessed with baby pictures right now. I really don't have that many baby pictures of her. Honestly when she was first born we were really bad about taking pictures. Even to this day I am not the one who hauls the camera everywhere we go just to capture all the special things she does. So last night she asked to see Christmas baby pictures and I actually had some. It is hard for me to remember her being so tiny and cuddly. I remember being so excited to give her all of her presents that first Christmas that Adam and I woke her up because we couldn't wait any longer. She was in a good mood and kept going after my cup of coffee and eventually knocked it over leaving a huge spill on the carpet. It took her a long time to open her presents and a lot of encouragement from us (and 2 wardrobe changes). It was one of my favorite memories because it was the first time I really truly felt like we were our own little family just the three of us. So as we go into our last Christmas as the three of us I would love to share pictures of our first family Christmas.

Santa is coming!!!

I am so excited for Christmas this year. I can't wait to give Eve all her gifts. We wrapped all the gifts from us last night. We stacked them up in our family room. Eve knows that most of them are for her because of the Tinkerbell wrapping paper. She keeps asking me if she can open them yet. When I tell her no she then asks if I could tell her what one of them is and that she won't tell Santa that she knows. I love her enthusiasm and cleverness. Every Christmas gets better and better. I love Christmas time with her and I can't wait until next Christmas when I have 2 kids to spoil.

Only 1 semester to go!

I got my grades posted today. When I graduate in May I will have a 4.0! I am so proud of myself. I only have to finish my capstone project this semester(which is a pass/fail class) and I will be the most educated person in my whole family. (Only 4 people from both sides of my family have graduated from college.) I am ready to be done with school and actually get to enjoy my family and let Adam have a chance to go back to earn his bachelors degree. May is going to be the best month ever!!!

Sick.

I am super sick. I have a headache that won't go away. I seriously think I could sleep for a month straight. I am calling the Dr. first thing tomorrow. I was fine until yesterday and now I seriously feel sooo sick. It couldn't come at a worse time. The last week before winter vacation is only the most hectic unbearable time. At least I am done Christmas shopping so I don't have that added stress. I hope I start feeling better soon. I think I am going to stay home tomorrow. I can barely even function right now and I am not sure I am up to dealing with 150 7th graders who are all in the last minute rush to get their grades up which means they are all super duper needy.

A day.

My grandma is in the hospital with pneumonia in both lungs even though she had the pneumonia shot. She is in really bad shape. She is so confused and delusional. Her blood oxygen level was at 73% when she got to the hospital. It makes her really loopy when her oxygen levels drop. Even now that they are back up to normal she is still delusional. She had to be restrained in her bed because she keeps pulling out all of the things attached to her. I really don't think she is going to make it through this. She is 87 and has been going down hill for a long time. I know she has wanted to rejoin my grandpa since he passed a little over 9 years ago. My dad was asked at the hospital if he wanted to sign a do not resuscitate(DNR) on her. In her living will it says that she would like a DNR. My dad called his sister and asked for her advice. She said she would leave the decision up to my dad. I think it was pretty shitty for her to put him in that position. My aunt deals with all of the easy stuff with my grandma and leaves all the crap to my dad. He went to the hospital tonight and he didn't put the DNR on her records. I know it is hard for him and he doesn't want to feel guilty for letting her die but I really think it is for the best and it was her wishes. I love her so much but it is really hard to watch her suffer. I just want her to have peace.

Tag

I've been tagged by bella102 , and have to follow the rules.
Here they are:
list these rules on your blog. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their name as well as links to their blog. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I refuse to eat food at potlucks that wasn’t made by me. Other peoples food handling procedures scare me.
2. I tell Adam, “I love you. Have a good day at work. Drive Safe.” every morning before he goes to work. It has become such a habit I am afraid to jinx anything by not saying it.
3. I am terrible at writing yet love to do it. I didn't realize how bad my grammar was until recently.
   
4. I use more capstick and lotion in a day than most people use in a year.
5. I love funky tennis shoes that most people think are too crazy for an adult to wear.
6. Ich kann Duetsch lesen, aber nicht sprechen.
7. I hate to talk on the phone with a passion to anyone besides Adam, Eve, my mom or dad.
   

I am not going to tag anyone because I am boring and honestly it took me 30 min to think of 7 random things about myself. If you want me to tag you leave a link in this post and I will. As an amends to not following the rules I will leave an 8th random fact: I am really really really really lazy!

Paranoid.

When I found out I was pregnant with the baby I miscarried I found myself drawn to reading stories about miscarriages. It might have to do with the fact that there were a lot of ladies on BOTB that m/c around the time I found out I was pregnant. It was kind of comforting to know that I wasn't the only person that this had happened to and honestly it really helped me recover quickly because they were able to be so positive. I honestly was about to go on a downward spiral of deep depression but their positive attitude of moving on made me realize I could do it to. Once I focused on the future instead of the past I felt this huge weight lifted and was able to start to enjoy my life for all the little blessings I have. Moving forward and TTC right away was my saving grace and allowed Adam and I to get closer than ever. I have felt a wave of emotions since finding out we are expecting again. I am so blessed to have this baby growing in me. The first few weeks were really stressful and I thought of nothing but is everything ok? Then I went to the Dr. and everything looked good and I felt relieved. I was happy for a few weeks and then I got really nervous before the next appointment and thought for sure something was wrong. Then when everything was ok and I felt relieved for a few weeks. Then I had some spotting and thought for sure something was wrong. I was happy to see everything was looking good. Now I find I am always reading stories about late miscarriages/stillbirths. My draw to these stories scares me. Am I reading them because something bad is going to happen? I then realize he hasn't been as active as he had been. I start freaking out some more. Will the freaking out ever stop. Can I ever just get excited and not worry? I am trying to stay positive and honestly he looked perfect on the u/s last week and I know everything will be fine. I have another u/s on the 18th maybe that will help settle me? I doubt it. Even once he is here I will probably still worry. I think that is just my nature. I hope I can relax and enjoy at least some of this for more than a few days at a time.

Santa Pictures!

We took Eve to the tree lighting festival in our town last night. Overall it was kind of lame, but they did have Santa and she was so excited to see him. She told him she wanted a potty dolly.
Then she pointed out her daddy and told Santa he wanted trains for Christmas.
Then she talked to him for a long time until we finally kept calling her name and she turned so we could take a nice picture.

KSTDT3.

It has been a while since I posted something funny Eve said. Tonight we are watching Rudolph and the snowman said Christmas Eve. She said hey that is my name but he said it wrong. It is Aisling Eve not Christmas Eve.

So Excited!

Eve comes home today from her 10 day trip to Wisconsin with my mom to visit my brother and niece. I cannot wait to see her. In the future I think we will have a 7 day limit on trips away because that was when I hit my breaking point of being desperate to see her. Last night she was so sad on the phone. She said, "Mommy I want to come back to my home so that my whole family is together." Eve loves her family. It has been kind of lonely in the house even though Adam and my Dad are both here. Even my dad said last night when we were out to dinner I really miss Eve. I think all three of us are itching for her to get home. I can't wait to take her out to look at Christmas lights because it is her favorite thing to do. Almost our whole street has decorated already. We really need to get on it. She always loves our house the best because it "glows" as she puts it. I seriously think I am going to smother her when I see her. I took off today just so I didn't have to wait until I got home to see her. I can't wait.

We have a winner?

Adam is the worst person in the world to discuss names with he thinks we have for ever to decide. I want a name now. We are a little different in that regard. I was dreading the trip to see his parents for the holidays. I figured his dad would insist all weekend that we name our child some form of Thomas. I am completely opposed and although this might have been funny the first time he mentioned it way back when I was pregnant with Eve it gets increasingly annoying with each one of their grandchildren that are born. I told Adam that he better be prepared to discuss names on the trip there because I wanted to have a name picked out in case he wouldn't let up. A 2 hour car ride is the perfect way to trap your husband into deciding names. 5 minutes into the trip I started going over our potential name list. 30 minutes later we finally made a decision. Our son has a name for now at least...Milo Finn. I am really good at changing my mind 1000 times so we will see if it sticks. My FIL in true fashion within 10 seconds said so are you going to name him Tommy Lee. Adam snapped back at him. No, not going to happen in a nice firm voice. His dad didn't mention it again. I am so proud of Adam. The rest of the kids bow down to him at all times and just let him go on with his egotistical ways but Adam put his foot down for me knowing I would be a crazy lady all weekend if he continued with his Thomas naming fiasco.

I have changed my mind.

I think since taking my link off of my siggy I have weeded out some of the crazies so therefore I will keep my blog public. It seems only normal people read my blog. For those of you that sent me an e-mail I will keep your e-mail in case I ever change my mind so you will be automatically set up.

Gymboree.

Gymboree and I have this love hate relationship. I love some of the clothes there for Eve and I hate what it does to my pocketbook. Adam made me promise not to buy anything else for Eve for Christmas since I have already spent way to much on her. I seriously can't help it. I went online to look at little boy clothes and found the most adorable train clothes ever. Adam is the worlds biggest train junky. He told me to wait until after Christmas to buy anything for the baby because he wanted to be greedy and spend more money on us. I figured fine they will have them on sale by the time that I am allowed to buy them and then I can buy the whole line. (yes I am that bad for a while I couldn't buy anything for DD because she already had one of everything.) Well as I was looking I was on the phone with my mom who said to lay off the toys for Christmas because my niece is in dire need of winter clothing that fits. Her parents are notorious for not getting her clothes that properly fit. 6 year olds should not be wearing midriff shirts in the middle of winter or ever for that matter. So I switch to the big girl section to look at clothes figuring I won't find anything I really like because it has been pretty unimpressive lately forcing to go to my other favorite clothing line of pumpkin patch. Well I get to the page and find this adorable pair of pants with snowflakes on them. I put together a whole outfit and then decide I need one for Eve too. Now when the girls get their picture taken with Santa they will match. They did last year and it was too cute. Seriously my niece and daughter are like sisters who barely see each other. The call each other sister cousin. It is too cute. So I paid enough to get $75 worth of gymbucks which means I can spend $150 and only have to pay $75 during gymbuck time so I will be able to buy the whole boys line I want. Seriously this was the reasoning I used when I went crazy today and spent way more than I should. So if you want to see the super cute outfit my beautiful niece and Eve will be wearing check out the photos.

The baby boys first gift!

All good.

So we went to the Dr. today and got an internal exam where everything looked good. Then we heard the heartbeat and I was much relieved. The Dr. had us go in for an ultrasound just to make sure that the placenta and fluid was ok. It was fine at first they thought I had a low lying placenta but it turns out I was having a contraction that made the placenta cover the cervix and when the contraction stopped the placenta went back to not covering. As an added bonus we found out we are having a boy. I am so happy he looks healthy. He was being a total bugger and didn't want to show his goods and kept putting his hand there so we couldn't see but then she got 2 good pictures of his boy parts. It was really obvious he was a boy the u/s tech froze the picture and I said "It's a boy!" and she confirmed. I am so excited I get to buy all the argyle I could ever dream of but sad that I won't get to dress another munchkin in all of DDs pretty clothes. We go back in 3 weeks to have another u/s so she can measure the heart and do the rest of the measurements. I am so over the moon happy that our little boy is still safe and I hope he stays that way until at least late April. He was measuring 5 days ahead and I am down 2 pounds from my starting weight even though I honestly have been living off of fast food for 2 weeks. (Bad I know.) Apparently this baby takes after my DHs side and has given me the gift of metabolism.

Bed Rest

Well I have been ordered to be on bed rest until I see the Dr. tomorrow. I have had some more tinged discharge today and am thankful that she wants to see me. I am on strict orders of no walking. Continued prayers would be aappreciated.

Spotting.

I really thought I was in the clear but on Saturday after climbing a ridiculously steep hill while pushing the stroller with Eve in it I went to the restroom and I had a spot. I decided to let it be and took it easy for the rest of the day. Twice I on Saturday I had some tinged discharge and twice today as well. I swear I still feel the baby moving so I am letting it be for tonight because I really have no desire to spend 12 hours waiting to get checked out at the hospital for them to tell me one of 2 things a. there is nothing wrong or b. there is nothing they can do. I am going to call the Dr. tomorrow and see what she says. DH is trying to stay really positive but it has been harder for me. Please pray that everything is ok with our little munchkin.

I think it is time.

I have always been very trusting of those around me but honestly there has been some people that haven't been making me feel so comfortable as of late. I know there are like 1 or 2 people that actually read this so if you still want to you can e-mail me at pokeyswife8803@yahoo.com. My blog is going private on Thanksgiving so please let me know if you would like to still read. I am very open on this blog and it isn't like I want to exclude people but I do need to keep my daughter safe. When you e-mail me if you could just tell me briefly who you are or where I might know you from I would appreciate it.

Amen.

Thank you God! I am so happy that America finally put us back on the path to success. I have been so disappointed the last 8 years and finally feel like we are going to get back on our feet. I am seriously crying tears of joy! I am so proud!

Halloween!

Poor Eve woke up on Halloween not feeling good. She had a fever and was just overall sluggish. She rested all day and was feeling a touch better once it was time to go. She had been so excited all week. We decided to go ahead and take her anyway. She lasted half a block and then wanted to come home and pass out candy to the other kids and cuddle with me. Surprisingly for only going to 15 houses or so she almost filled her bag. Our neighbors are way to generous. So here are some photos from last night including a belly picture of our baby to be.

Ultrasound!

We had an ultrasound today. Our baby is absolutely beautiful. I am so happy. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off of my sholders. I can't wait to watch the DVD of our little munchkin. I will try and post pictures later. The heartbeat was 158 and the baby was measuring spot on.

Work in progress.

I am not artistic at all. Sometimes I pretend to be but really I am not. I decided to make a shirt to tell my students I am pregnant. So far it has turned out fairly well. I will finish it up tomorrow, but here are a few pictures of it so far. I am going to sew the little trick or treat bag on the short somewhere and then put a bag of sweedish fish in the bag. I think it is going to be cute. My dad asked me what I was doing tonight and when I explained it to him he didn't get it. I really hope my students get it. I think they will because they keep asking me what I am going to dress up as for Halloween.

Houston we have a Heartbeat!

The Drs appointment today was short and to the point. We got to hear the heartbeat. I took her a minute to find it and the whole time I was freaking out inside. But once we heard it it was beautiful. It shounded slower than what I remember DDs being but we didn't get an actual count. We go to have an u/s tomorrow. At my next appointment with the actual Dr. (12/2) we will get to find out the sex of the baby. That is in less than 5 weeks can you believe it!!! I am over the moon happy and I can't wait to see the baby tomorrow.

Pumpkin Patch!

We went to the pumpkin patch yesterday for like 10 minutes. There were soooo many people there plus it was warm so we took 2 pictures and bought a couple of pumpkins and left. I wish it was cooler out so we could have hung out longer but 93 degrees and people touching you is too much for me. I can't wait for winter so we can hang outside more.

Eve the tattle tale.

If you come say hi to Eve within 5 minutes she will mention, "Mommy has a baby in her tummy." followed by an immediate head bury of embarrassment in my tummy. It is really cute but at the same time makes it hard to keep it a secret. I can't wait until Friday when I come clean with my students and can stop changing my outfit 500 times in the morning because every outfit makes me look 6 months pregnant.

Funny Story

So last week Adam decided to tell his boss that we were expecting again so that he could get out of work early for my appointments at the end of this month. His boss was very supportive and said it totally wouldn't be a problem. Adam then told him that he wasn't really ready to let the whole office know yet. Boss said no big deal. Fast forward 15 minutes and Adam's department all go to a meeting. How does the boss start the meeting? "Someone in this room is bringing forth new life!" All eyes turn to Adam since he is the only one beside the boss who is married and in the position to have kids (his coworkers are all early 20s and still living the single life). So the beans have been spilled at his work. I just think it is funny that his (guy) boss was so excited for us. The funny part is Adam's supervisor wasn't there that day and no one(including Adam) has told her yet. Boys are so silly.

Sweetest Day!

So Adam and I were running errands today and my dad was with us. I reminded my dad it was sweetest day and he should get my mom flowers because it would mean a lot to her. We stopped at the flower shop while we were out and Adam and I stayed in the car. Adam turned to me and said, "Sorry honey I didn't know it was Sweetest Day. Do I need to go get you flowers or are we good?" This is what I love about this man. I totally didn't want anything I just wanted my dad to get on my mom's good side. I said we were cool and I didn't get you anything either. He said I only like to get you flowers when you aren't expecting them. That is when I like them best anyway. He knows me so well. I love surprises and romantic gestures that aren't expected. So yeah our sweetest day involved no gifts but I have thoroughly enjoyed the day with him.

Quilt Giveaway!

There is this very beautiful quilt being given away at

This quilt is so beautiful. I really hope I win it for Miss Eve!

Suspicious???

So in the last 2 days I have had 2 people ask me a question that I had to lie to. One is a friend of mine and she knows that DH and I were TTC. Well the last time we got a chance to chit chat I didn't know I was pregnant yet so I just told her it wasn't happening as easily as I hoped. I really didn't want to tell her I had a miscarriage. I am a terrible liar and say all sorts of stupid stuff when I need to think of a lie on the spot. Well yesterday she asked me if we were expecting yet. I said no. I am sure I kept rambling for a few minutes but I am choosing to remove my stupidity from my mind. Today I mentioned Eve to one of my coworkers who doesn't know that I had a kid. She asked me how old she is and I said 3.5. As soon as I say this the next question out of everyone's mouth is, "are you planning on more?" So today I said yes someday but not anytime soon. A smart person would have stopped there. But no I go on and on and on. Why can't I tell a simple fib? I am going to feel like such a traitor when I finally tell everyone at work. I was relaying this story to my mom and she said, "well you are starting to show people are going to start asking questions." Thanks for the vote of confidence mom. I am not really showing. I am just fat and can totally fit into my old pants the same as I did before I was pregnant. Arrggghhh. Even Adam says I look the same. I mean I am not saying I am not trying to get a little baby belly but don't tell me I have one when this is what I looked like before.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Today is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day and I just want to take a moment to ask everyone to keep those that have suffered a loss in your hearts and prayers today. Even though we are currently blessed with a baby doesn't make the loss of baby Pokey any less heavy in my heart. Many women are lighting candles in remembrance of their lost child. I have lit a candle as well. (Thanks Bada for the link) My thoughts and prayers are with those that have gone through the struggle of a loss.

Eve language.

I love how Eve mispronounces words. I don't ever want her to say them the right way because it is so cute. Here are a few of my favorites.

Music = Muse-Kick
Window = Nindow
Nuk = Gnochi
Zoo = Jew

I could go on forever but she is starting to try and say them properly and it makes me sad. I want her to stay little forever.

Disturbed

Today I had off of school so I took Eve to tap/ballet class. It is always fun to watch all of the barbie moms with their kids. Anyway I was eavesdropping on a conversation one mom was having with another mom. Apparently the little girl, we will call her Avery said,"I am the boss of the house." and the mom replied to Avery, "No, Daddy is the boss of the house." I was really shocked by this. If Eve had said that to me I would have replied, "No I am the boss of the house." or "No, Mommy and Daddy are the boss of the house." I would never say my husband was the boss. I think it is really sad that there are woman who don't set the example of being equal to their husband. In my humble opinion I think that saying your husband is the boss is saying that he is in charge of you. This really gets under my skin.

My 1st Purchase!!!

I finally got to purchase something for my soon to be munchkin! I am so excited over this. Normally I would wait much longer for this purchase but this stroller was on clearance at babiesrus and I couldn't pass it up! This is the stroller I wanted since we have decided to get an infant seat for this baby. Eve went straight into her Britax Marathon and still fits in it. By the time this baby outgrows the Britax Companion Eve should be in her booster seat and the munchkin can take over the Marathon. So originally this stroller is $339 but it was on sale for $175 plus I found a coupon for 20% off. It came with free shipping and I had about $20 on a gift card so I only paid $130 for it with tax. That is less than I paid for Eve's umbrella stroller. I cannot wait until this comes so I can put it together and cruise around the house with it. I might make Eve test ride it.

Why I love Adam!

When we first started dating Adam would do absolutely anything for me. He would be chilling on the couch with me and I would ask him to go get my chapstick and without so much as a sigh he would go get it for me immediately. As soon as he got back and settled in I would ask for lotion. (I didn't do this on purpose) and once again he would get up and get it. It was one of the first things that made me fall in love with him. I am extremely lazy and someone that was willing to bend over backwards to impress and spoil me was awesome in my book. He has always been so respectful of me and taken such good care of me. When we were dating for 1 month I knew we would spend the rest of our lives together. By 6 months my mom told us to get over ourselves and get married already because she could see how in love we were. We got engaged at a year and my parents response was "it's about time." They couldn't have asked for a better son in law and let him know that all the time. He is like a second son to them and he bends overr backwards for them as well. I really am a lucky girl. My husband is the hardest worker who would bend over backwards for everyone yet will stand up for what he believes in. Adam never ceases to amaze me everyday with his positive attitude, gracious heart, and commitment. Honestly he is the better half of this marriage and I am so thankful that God led me to him. He treats me like the center of his universe and still after almost 7 years still waits on me hand and foot. Don't get me wrong he is not some weak man who lets people push him around but he sets such a good example of what a man should be that I can rest assure that my daughter will always have a positive role model of how a man should treat her. He makes me laugh everyday a million times and lets me totally be my irrational, obnoxious, weirdest self possible. So why am I writing this random love profession about my husband? Honestly because it is all of the little things he does to make me happy. On Saturday (his day to sleep in) he woke up early to go get me puffy cheetos and wild cherry pepsi because I was craving it. Tonight he made me crescent rolls while he ate the leftovers because they were the only thing I could stomach. Yesterday after he got out of Jury duty he ran around running my errands so that I could come home after work and relax. He never complains when I ask him to do something so I don't have to feel guilty for asking for help. I love him and his dedication to my laziness. He really is a great husband. I totally adore him. On top of him being a total sweetheart he is also really really hot. I am not sure how I got so lucky!

I told.

So I told my principal today. She seemed pretty supportive and said that another teacher at my work is having the same issues I am. I wish she would see that this schedule is really nonsense. I came home from work today and took a 2 hour nap. I now need to do homework so I am sure I will be up for awhile. Only 2 more days of work this week and then I get a break!!! I am so freaking excited. I can't wait to sleep all day. To bad my mom is going out of town so I can't pawn Eve off on her so I can catch up a little on my sleep.

Work.

I am having a really hard time at work. I get so exhausted in the afternoon. I often feel very sick either I get nauseous or I get a really bad headache. I can't take anything for the headache because it makes me feel even sicker. I always want to lie down. My body just can't take working 9 hour days. My day is 1st period, 2nd prep, 3rd period, lunch, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th. Each class is an hour long. So I go 4 hours without getting a break. I am having a hard time even going to the bathroom in between classes because I am always busy. It is no wonder how I got a UTI. I am just not really sure how much longer I can do this. I am really hoping I feel better during the 2nd tri because if I don't this is going to be a really rough year. I have never felt more tired in all my life. I slept almost all weekend and could still sleep right now. I wish I could have 30 minutes in the afternoon to just lie down. I know I am being a baby but I seriously am really freaking tired and dealing with 30 kids every hour is stressful when you aren't feeling good. My students must think I am a hypochondriac because I am always not feeling well. These are the times I wish I worked a normal job where I could get a slightly lessened workload so that I could feel better. Just 30 minutes in the afternoon to myself would make a huge difference. I haven't told my principal yet that I am expecting and I am sure she won't be very supportive of what I am going through. My work is so stressful. Our principal is uber strict and I have to have my students engaged at all times. I know I should have them engaged but when you feel on the verge of puking yet never do it is hard to keep focused on anything but making sure you don't puke. I just don't see how she can accommodate my needs. I just want to feel like a normal person and not be so stung out at work. On top of it all I want to do when I get home is sleep and yet I have homework to do for my classes. I never got this tired or exhausted or nauseous with Eve so this was a little unexpected. I think I might have to tell my principal this week and pray that she will understand how I am feeling and be at least sympathetic towards me.

Dinner Time.

What happens when it takes you 2 hours to eat dinner?

July 2008

Oct. 2008

Eve takes forever to eat dinner. She does this on a regular basis. These are just the few times we thought to take pictures. She will eat her fruits and vegetables first and then just won't eat the rest of the meal. I think she might be a vegetarian and this is how she is letting us know.

And the award goes to...

I just want to thank Jaime for giving me this award. She truly is an inspiration to me. She is one super strong woman! I seriously stalk her blog all the time. Check out her blog.

There are so many great blogs out there I had a hard time picking just a few to give this award to. So here goes.

The Noeske's

Bill, Miss, and Brood.

Heart Attack!

That is what I almost had while driving home today. I was checking my voice mail and there was a message from my Dr. office asking me to call. I felt my heart sink all the way down to the baby. I quickly called while praying they were still open. I would never make it all night without finding out what was wrong. I kept praying that they just wanted to switch appointments or something small. I got through! I was so excited and waited anxiously to be connect to my Dr.'s nurse. She said all my tests were fine but the urine showed signs of a UTI so they needed to call in a prescription for me. AHHHHH. Relief. I have been noticing a little uncomfortableness in the area but just felt like that maybe it was the baby stretching me. So the munchkin is still doing good and I am feeling much better and will have to call back with our pharmacy number tomorrow to get my prescription filled.

Getting Tough.

Sometimes being a parent is really tough. Eve has always been an awesome kid. Don't get me wrong she can be a royal pain in the behind but for the most part she is very well behaved. Until the last month or so that is. She has decided to start pushing the limits. Mostly she has just stopped listening which drives me nuts. I used to be able to ask her once to do something and she would just do it. Now she tells me no way. We skipped the terrible twos and went to the sassy 3.5. This is not a stage they often talk about. She is setting her limits and trying to become more independent. I seriously have to remind myself she is only 3.5 and that this behavior is totally normal. All of my IRL friends who have kids around the same age are dealing with the same issues. So today we asked her a million times to clean up the living room and her bedrooms. Tornado Eve had swept through in the morning and you could barely walk at all in either room. Have I ever mentioned that one child shouldn't have nearly as many toys as she does. Eve wanted to do 2 things today. 1.)Help grandma make a cake. 2.) Go see the fireworks at the park tonight. Well she refused to clean up for more than 10 minutes in the living room. We ended up taking away both activities from her. She still wouldn't clean so we told her we were going to throw away all the toys left in 5 minutes. She finally started to clean again for 1 minute. After 5 minutes we got a garbage bag and packed up all of the extra toys left out. I have never seen such a fit. Once she calmed down Adam took her to her room and told her she had an hour to get everything put away or it was going the garbage too. Well after 10 minute reminders for the entire hour she managed to not put away anything. Adam and I packed up all those toys too. We have three large garbage toys sitting in our garage right now. She was even more upset because she lost 2 very beloved toys during the room cleanup:Boo and her flashlight. As they were placed in the bag she kept crying those are my favorites please no. Now before you think I am totally cold hearted let me explain that this whole process made me really sad but it is what had to be done. We made her take a nap after we finished packing up all the toys on the floor. When she woke up she was a completely different child. She was back to my sweet little girl who knows how to listen. She asked nicely for her toys back and when I explained that they were taken away because she didn't know how to listen she said sorry. We made a deal that every day she is a good girl and listens she will get one toy back. I think this will get her to act properly. She was an angel for the rest of the night and didn't fight us on anything. I am not opposed to her being independent but I do expect her to listen and have respect for her elders something she was quickly losing. I hope this does the trick or we are back to square one. I hate having to discipline her. I honestly think it is harder on me than her.

Eve Dancing.

She was teaching me how to dance tonight. I love her so much.

Today's Appointment.

I had a great appointment today. Adam took off of work early so that he could be there. Nothing exciting happened. I got violated for my yearly since I was severly overdue. Weighed and saw I am only 5 lbs away from my final weight with Eve. Not really a good starting point but I will take it. I love my Dr. she is so positive and happy. Being in their office always puts me at ease. She said my uterus felt great and perfect size for how far along we are. I am officially due May 12th. I graduate with my Masters 3 days before. How crazy and wonderful that time will be.
I go back Oct. 29 and get my 1st trimester u/s screening on Oct. 30. I am so excited that everything looks good so far.

New symptoms?

So I have had a bit of nausea on and off for the first week after I found out. Then it went away except when I ate a ham and egg sandwich at Adam's parents house and literally almost threw up half way through. Well tonight I think that awful feeling has returned. My head freaking hurts and my stomach feels like it is going to do inverse operations. It started late this afternoon and I think I am going to have to give up gum because that was seemed to trigger the stomach ache. I tried 3 different flavors and they all made me feel sick. I love gum so this might be hard. What took the nausea to a whole new level was for dinner we had shrimp salad but my mom added a bit of egg to it and guess what? That feeling I got at Adam's parents house has returned and won't go away.
On a side note teaching junior high and being pregnant is really hard. I have this student who loves to wear AXE...you know the proper way they show in the commercial to wear it is to spray the entire can in one sitting. I have already yelled at him 3 times for doing this. It isn't just that he freaking stinks but the fact that he does sprays that crap in my classroom so that I can smell it literally across the room. I have already laid into him about it and not in the nice caring teacher way, in the I will embarrass the crap out of you way. Well today I seriously almost lost my cool completely. I think I laid into him for like 10 minutes about it and then made him stand by the door with the door open so that he would air out for the entire class period. My super smeller cannot handle this and I don't want to let the kiddos know that I am pregnant yet so I can't use that as an excuse but I seriously almost threw up from the smell.
So new symptoms include: super smeller, nausea, and serious bitch.

We spilled the beans.

We finally told my parents. I didn't do anything fancy this time I just came into the kitchen and said, "Hey, we're expecting again." I really wanted to keep it a secret for a while longer but unfortunately after my screaming at Adam across the house that I couldn't do something because I was pregnant and my mom still being home; to Eve talking all week about mommy and daddy having a baby I decided to finally just tell. I am glad it is over. We have a Dr. appointment on Thursday at 3:15 and I usually have to get Eve before 4 because my parents have a night class on Thursdays which means that on a typical Thursday there are like a million calls to see where my parents are so I can meet them. They would have figured it out anyway so we decided to tell. At least my mom didn't insist on telling everyone and their mom. We will keep it quiet. We will let everyone know once we are safely out of the first trimester. I can't believe we kept it a secret for 23 days. That is the longest secret I think I ever kept in my whole life. I am terrible at keeping secrets. I just get way to excited. On a side note I don't understand why Eve has been going around telling everyone that we were expecting. The other day when I went to work she told me to make sure I fed my baby really good so it grows up nice and strong. Adam and I have been trying to be secretive around her because she is a total blabber mouth but somehow she figured it out anyway. She is too freaking smart.

Sooo Sleepy.

Honestly the exhaustion has set in. I can barely function when I am awake. I could take a nap at any given time in the day even if I just woke from a nap. It is making me regret taking such a full class schedule. I cannot motivate myself to do my homework or study at all. I literally wait until the last second. During the week I am worthless because after work I can barely muster enough energy to chew my food an stare blankly at my computer. I get the rare burst of energy. My procrastination leads to freakouts of how I am going to get everything I need to done. I think I am going to start waking up a half hour earlier to work out before work. Hopefully this combined with eating a healthy well balanced diet(my other new obsession) will allow me to have enough energy to function throughout my day and perhaps have a little bit of energy to burn when I get home. I need to stop being so lazy and start living. I have been having a little bit of cramping today which has me freaked out. I seriously need to stop googling and go find my pregnancy books. Google is scary and every time I Google pregnant and cramping it always leads to possible sign of m/c. I really wish the people who wrote this could also put that it is a totally normal sign of pregnancy because it is. I am looking forward to and scared about my appointment on Thursday. I wish I could just speak up and find out exactly what we are going to be doing at the appointment. Am I going to get and u/s or not? Is it going to be a piss and blood test and weight and be told to have a nice day see you in a month. I need some reassurance and I am not the best about speaking up for what I need. I would even be willing to pay for the u/s out of pocket just to know the baby is healthy. I am sure everything is fine and for the most part I am really positive and feel confident about all of this but at other times I am scared out of my mind. I hope this is it. I want a healthy baby more than anything in the world.

I am scared.

Honestly I have never see a bigger time for change in our nation that right now. I am totally scared about what the elections are going to bring. Honestly if I could choose one thing right now to base my election choice on it would be the economy. Honestly the economy is so bad right now that even "secure" jobs such as teaching are no where near being secure. We have had major cutbacks in our district and they are threatening even more next year. We might lose programs that are making a huge difference in the lives of our students. We are already working with the bare minimum support financially and I can't believe they can cut more. My dad who has never lost a job in his life lost his job 3 times in the past 2 years due to companies being closed and filling for bankruptcy. Adam lost his job twice in one year. They both worked in the real estate world so that has a lot to do with why business is slow and thankfully both my father and Adam have found jobs that are not in the real estate business world anymore but even at their new jobs there have been layoffs and every time Adam calls me I worry that he is calling me to tell me he got let go again (even though I doubt that will happen.) This was not something I ever feared before. For a few months I was the only person in my family with a job. I hope no one ever has to feel what that is like because while I was busy trying to educated 130 students everyday I was also worried about how my family was going to find new jobs in a market where few people are hiring and knew that many of my students were going through similar situations. My school as lost 500 students in the last 3 years because their parents had to move elsewhere for jobs. I live in the great state of Arizona where Mr. John McCain is from and this is what is happening here. What is he doing to make life better where he has lived? Nothing because let me tell you it is bad. This is one issue I could go on and on and on about. I am scared about our environment with people who want to drill for something that might not even be there. If you can't draw the line there where do you draw the line? I am scared we will continue to fight a war that we shouldn't be fighting. I am so sad that so many people are disillusioned about George Bush, John McCain, and Sarah Palin as being true Americans who are fighting for our freedom. I doubt they understand what is like to be an average citizen who don't have millions sitting in their bank accounts waiting for them when they lose their jobs. I seriously can't understand how any middle class person can vote republican. They do not have your best interests at heart. They will do what is needed to keep the rich afloat and create an even greater divide between the rich and the poor. I want a greater America where those who chose to work hard has a chance to be successful. I want an American where we can agree to disagree over issues and not have others views forced upon me. I know now that people are starting to not like Bush as much I often hear "well we voted him into office." I hate that. I didn't vote him into office either time because I predicted he would be another repeat of his father but worse and I was correct. I honestly can't see one positive change that he made. I am worried of another 4 years of the same. I want change and I hope that this time America will agree with me.

My Sweetie.

Every morning this week Eve has woken up with me. She is so happy and sweet in the morning. As I rush around getting ready she pops out of bed and says, "Good Morning Mommy!" In the most cheerful voice you can imagine. I am a total crank in the morning and it totally puts me in a great mood to see her so happy. We hang out for a while and she follows me around while I get ready creating a gate at every door so I have to give her a kiss to get through. Then as I head to work she tells me to stay home with her. When I tell her I have to go to work she tells me to take her heart with me, and then tells me to bring home a present from my work. (which usually is a bottle of water or lemonade) Seriously I almost have left the house in tears every morning this week. I need to win the lotto so I can stay home. I love my sweet munchkin so much.

We are back.

We went to Wisconsin for the weekend at it was interesting to say the least. Being with Adam's family makes me feel like I am on Jerry Springer. I will update tomorrow or Tuesday for anybody that would like to see a recap of the drama filled weekend.

Advertising.

Well Eve has begun to get suckered in by advertising. Whenever she is watching TV and sees something she wants she tells me to add it to her Santa list. Then at random times she talks about how Santa is going to get this thing she saw on tv. So far she has 2 items she hasn't stopped talking about and they are 2 toys I don't really want to get her because they are kind of lame.


First she wants a water baby.

Secondly she wants a rolling puppy.She already has 10 thousand stuffed animals and I refuse to buy her anymore.

Can't wait.

I ordered 2 bella bands on Sunday. Why? Because I am already so bloated that I can't stand to have my pants buttoned. Yes I know I am only 5 weeks and I have a long way to go but my cloths were snug prebaby so this added bloat makes my pants dig into my belly. I learned something when I was pregnant with Eve which was I couldn't stand to have anything remotely tight around my stomach while pregnant. I was in materinity pants at 7 weeks with her because of this issue. I really though I could wait that long with this baby too but I bought them on Sunday so that when the time comes I am prepared. Well that time was today and I still haven't gotten them. I went to put on my pants this morning and they closed after I sucked it in a little. The problem came when I went to tie my shoe. I bent over and seriously couldn't breath while bent over because my pants were cutting so far into my stomach that I was holding my breath like I was straining. When I sat back up I realized this feeeling didn't go away and realized how miserable I was going to be all day. My pants have button and 2 clasps. If I buttoned the button but left the clasps undone it gave it an extra 1/2 and inch. This was a tiny relief but I still had a red mark on my tummy when I took them off. I am a little worried about how much weight I have gained and am a little scared to step on the scale. I have been eating way to much from fear it will all change soon. With Eve I never wanted to eat anything, but had to force feed myself. I asked Adam if he would mind rolling me around like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when I become so fat that I can't walk anymore. He said he was cool with that.

Eve's Laugh.

I was asking Adam to go to McDonald's to pick up a big mac for me. Eve was trying to get Adam to take her along and Adam said only if Mommy comes too. I am exhausted and just got home from working 12 hours. I am laying around in my bathrobe and said I don't want to come because I don't want to get dressed. Adam said that I should come in my bathrobe. At this point Eve started laughing uncontrollably while I informed Adam I would not be going in my bathrobe. Eve the said, "That is so funny. You guys make me laugh so hard." When I asked her why she said, "That would be so funny if you went to McDonald's in your bathrobe Mommy." I love how smart she is and that she can see how ridiculous her daddy's suggestion was, but the best part of the whole thing was to hear that big hearty laugh she gets when she thinks something is really funny.

Pictures.

So I know I started this blog to share pictures and stories of Eve and I have kind of been slacking on that an focusing more on myself lately but the truth is that it is hard to take pictures of Eve. The kid does not like to wear clothes around the house and the only time I ever think to take pictures of her is when we are at home since that is where the camera is. I am not saying she has to look perfect for every picture but I would at least like her to be clothed in her pictures so all of the sickos out their don't see my child naked. Why don't we make her wear clothes around the house? Simply because I would like to be naked all day too and don't really see what the big deal is. My mom dresses her every morning and the clothes last about 2 hours and it is not a fight I want to pick. I would rather make sure she eats healthy and is learning than making sure she stays clothed all day. So on the rare occasion that she is dressed and I have the camera out we take pictures but it is becoming a rarity these days. I really should stop buying the kid clothes because she only wears them in public and her wardrobe is more expensive than mine and Adam's combined.

Little Miss Attitude.

Adam was trying to get Eve to go watch TV in the other room, but she wanted to stay in here with me. So Adam helped Eve off the floor and sent her on her way to the other room and she turned to him in her snottiest attitude and said, "Dida, why are you always telling me what to do?" She may be sweet most days but she knows how to cock an attitude in 3 seconds flat when things don't go her way.

It got darker!

I am so excited.

Yesterday I talked to Adam about how he was feeling about all of this. He said he doesn't want to get too attached until we hear the heartbeat. I understand how he is feeling but he better make up for lack of emotional attachment after we hear the heartbeat. I think he is scared because he actually got super excited about the last baby and just doesn't want his heart broken again.

I really think this is the real deal. I felt different like something was wrong from the beginning with the last pregnancy and this one just feels right. I also have more symptoms this time. My boobs hurt like a biznatch and I am so freaking gassy I can clear a room in about 1 sec. I have been pretty crampy but I think it is a mixture of growing pains and gas pains. I have been a little tired but I am sure that is due to my freakishly long days this week and the lack of sleep that I will blog about later. Twice this weekend I woke up an almost puked so I think I need to stop eating so close to bedtime because the same thing happened when I was pregnant with Eve.

We did it again???

Well this morning AF was due and she hasn't shown so I took a test and got a TFP (Tiny Faint Positive). I am a little concerned because it is FRER and they were super dark when I got my BFP with Eve and medium with the last pregnancy. It should have been a nice dark line but it is seriously light but totally there. I am going to retest on Wednesday and if it gets darker by then I will feel more confident. I know they say a line is a line but with the last pregnancy I took 2 tests and the lines faded instead of getting darker and when I was pregnant with Eve I took two tests and they got darker. The only reason I could see that it is off is perhaps I o'd later than usual. This was the one month I decided not to temp. I know they say the darkness of the line doesn't matter but I am just concerned because of the previous m/c. So I am excited but we will have to wait and see what happens.

Today.

Today was interesting for sure. First there was no air conditioning in my classroom today. It rained last night so imagine a day spent with 25-30 kids and it is 100 degrees and super humid. It rained this morning which made the humidity unbearable. So I finally found a classroom with air conditioning that I could move my class to. This classroom was not much cooler than mine but the air was on. I wore a sweater to school today because it has been really cold in my classroom lately. On my way to the new classroom I totally tripped and am now missing a chunk out of my hand, arm, and knees. I also scratched the crap out of my favorite shoes. The kids were so sweet and helped me get all the things I dropped and one ran to the nurse to get me a band aide and something to clean my major scratch on the back of my hand. Eve helped me super clean and bandage it once I got home. I thought she was going to start crying as I sprayed the lanacane on it because I couldn't stop swearing it hurt so freaking bad. It says on the label cools & soothes instantly. My ass it does. It should say something more like "Burns like a Bitch but you won't get any diseases from this one." I am totally freaking out now because bad things always come in threes. I am feeling a little crampy tonight so I am scared AF is going to be early again I hope I am wrong but I think Adam and I just didn't have great timing this month. If I am not pregnant this month it should make for an interesting trip to Wisconsin because my fertile time falls close to that weekend. We have to sleep on the sofa bed in the living room at Adam's parents house because they are moving.

Something I need to work on.

I am just beginning to realize how much I covet things. This usually starts with me being judgmental and then turns into full on jealousy followed by more judgments. I feel like a terrible person when I act this way. So here I will be completely honest and you can see how big of a douche I am. I have never understood how people could handle having their kids close together in age. I think it is ridiculous when someone gets pregnant within a year after the first. Why you might ask? It could be for a multitude of reasons. I didn't have a sibling close in age. I can't afford to have two close together. Eve was a royal pain in the behind for the first couple of months and I couldn't imagine having to deal with that plus another kid that is not capable of taking care of themselves. The first kid didn't captivate their attention enough that they need to add another one right away. Is this a stupid reasoning? I am sure and I don't understand at why I feel this way. So there is my first judgement. It is stupid and I tell myself the other side of each of those arguments but they don't seem to sink through. Today on BOTB someone announced their BFP and I seriously felt my heart drop. Her family seems so perfect and her first child is completely beautiful and yet I am such a douche that honestly I feel sick that it happened so easy for her. Her perfect family is going to get more perfect. I am jealous. I am sorry that I feel this way but I do. I feel like I did everything like I was supposed to and yet God left me with a scar in my heart and a fear that I am never going to get the perfect family. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself because honestly I know there are a lot of ladies that would do anything to have the beautiful daughter I already have. We haven't even been trying for #2 that long but I am sad that I had a miscarriage and I know this whole other situation is unrelated but I want my perfect family and I wish I could stop feeling this way. I am sure tomorrow I will be really happy for her but right now I need to just try and think positive thoughts because the negatives are making the person I don't want to be.

Work Update Part 2.

We had another surprise meeting this morning to talk about what was going on with the schedules. The whole thing is a total mess and I am honestly so sick over it. My work has decided to go against my personal beliefs in teaching. All I can say about the whole situation is that I feel sorry for our students. I can't even begin to describe how wrong our school is. I have said my piece and no one will listen to me simply because it is too much work even though deep down I think everyone knows I am right. Maybe I am to much of an idealist but honestly I am just sticking up for the kids because God knows that no one else is. I am seriously so disappointed. Today put the nail in the coffin for me and I will be leaving at the end of the year. I can't continue to work somewhere that goes completely against my educational philosophy. I will continue to push on with my students but all buy in to the school is gone completely.

This Weekend.

This weekend has been really blah and I wish I could have one more day off.
Yesterday Eve went to Disneyland with my parents. I miss her but honestly it is nice to have a break from her. She was being a stinker this morning I guess and wouldn't do anything that my parents wanted.
We went to see DMB last night. It was an ok concert but I would have liked if they had play a few more popular songs. I knew 3 songs all night and 1 of those was Burning Down the House which isn't even by them. I think the concert would have been 110% better if it was at an indoor stadium. We were supposed to have great seats but they ended up being way off to the side and they only had a video on the main part of the stage and we couldn't see it. I am not sure why they didn't project their videos onto the 2 side screens which would have made it better. I was surrounded by giants. My DH is 6'1" and everyone around us was even taller than him. I am 5'2" and I couldn't see over anyone. It was still 100 degrees when we got in the car to go home. I seriously have never been so hot in my entire life. I felt hungover today even though I didn't drink last night and had about 10 bottles of water. I will never go to another concert there again unless I can sit in the middle and it is during winter time. The best part was getting felt up as you walked through the gates. They pat down everyone totally cops style. They have a separate line for girls and boys and they make you empty your pockets and then caress your whole body. It was great.

Today Adam and I had to take our cats to the humane society. It was really sad. We have been trying for 6 months to find someone else to take them and every time we get someone lined up it fell through. We are out of options. They seriously are the sweetest cats and I hope they get adopted. I am trying to not think about what else could happen to them but it is hard. They can't live with us because my mom is allergic to them. If you are reading this please don't judge me because I feel terrible but it was our only option. I will never get another pet because I don't ever want to have to make a choice like that again. I feel like a total douche.

On a good note Adam and I made a fabulous dinner. I love spending time with just him. It was something I totally took for granted before we had Eve.

Work Update.

Well the good news is currently we are not losing any teachers but the bad news is that they want to create a study skills classes in place of the small classes. Mathematically it makes no sense because if you aren't getting rid of anybody or any sections but just rearranging where the students are then it will just make the classes you are taking the students from smaller. Shuffling the students doesn't make the problem disappear. It simply makes the problem shift from one teacher to another. This whole thing is stupid. What needs to happen is she needs to get rid of some extended contracts. We all have to work an extra hour. I think they need someone who can think logically about the schedule in there trying to get this crap straightened out. I think it is ridiculous that 3 weeks into the school year we have to keep messing with the schedule to make it work and it is going to take at least another week for this mess to unfold into another mess. I feel so bad for our students because they are going to have to give up their elective to take this class. So next week I will be teaching this study skills class and honestly it is a joke and I am not going to put any extra effort into the class. Just what I wanted to do this year was teach a made up class with no curriculum. Thanks a lot. I now have one foot out the door and it is going to take something pretty big to keep me at my current school next year.

A mini vent

Today seemed to be a day where there were a lot of rough patches. First of all I sat through my 4th straight morning meeting and this one there were a whole lot of rude and obnoxious teachers who don't seem to understand manners or listening. Upon the return to my classroom after the second bell and all the kids sitting outside my room waiting patiently I got everyone in and settled (I have great students) and checked my voicemail. I will be having another meeting tomorrow before school. So in 5 days I will have had 6 meetings outside of school hours. Tomorrow's meeting will take the cake. The implied topic is that we have to cut teachers. Our enrollment is down and I think we will have to lose a teacher. Who knew that adding an extra hour for all teachers would mean we need one less teacher? Oh that would be me, but apparently I am the only one who knew how to do the math. So I feel really bad that this is going to happen and then I feel really selfish because I don't want to have to have my schedule all overturned 3 weeks into the school year. I am really frustrated also that next week I have to give up 2 full days of instruction for some random crap that we have to go over with the students. I have a crap ton of stuff to teach my students and I can't afford to give up instructional days. Anyway enough work. I am trying to stay positive and uninvolved so I don't get all bent out of shape. Did I mention I start my own classes next week when all of this change will take place.

Today one of my students started telling me about how there were 4 kids in her family but her older brother died when he was born because the umbilical cord was around his neck. Then all the other students started telling me about how their parents have had multiple miscarriages. I held it together during this whole discussion and didn't show any sign of my own. I am really proud of myself. Then later I had some students come visit that I had 4 years ago and they were telling me how almost all the kids from our school have kids now except for the kids in the AVID program who have all done well. It was hard to hear about the 15+ teens they know who are pregnant or already have a baby. Some of them have already had multiple pregnancies and these kids are only 16-17. It really breaks my heart. So overall today has been a little crazy and I am happy to be at home and am looking forward to having a nice stiff drink tomorrow.

KSTDT2.

Kids say the darnedest things will now be referred to as KSTDT.

Adam, Eve, and I are all laying on the couch watching TV and I ask Adam if I can have one of his donuts. He said sure and Eve asked if she could have a little one too (doughnut hole). I said sure we'll get them in a minute. She turned to Adam and said, "Will you get Mommy a big doughnut and me a little doughnut? Mommy and me are lazy." I think I have some bad habits I need to break.

Kids say the darnedest things

Adam and Eve are 2 rooms away from each other so imagine shouting from room to room.
Eve: Daddy.
Adam: This is daddy I can't come to the phone right now please leave a message after the beep.
Eve: Hi Daddy this is Eve in my bedroom could you please get me something to drink?

We were both rolling on the floor laughing.

I am not alone.

So Adam was telling me how today at work there was a guy at work whose wife just had a baby and they came in and showed the baby off to everyone and it made him really sad. This is the first time he has said something made him upset about it. I am glad that he let me know it made him sad because I know that there are still times when I totally think I am ok and then something happens that makes me sad and I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. It really has me choked up right now thinking about him being disappointed but at the same time I know that when we have our next child it will make it that much more sweet. God has his reasons and I trust that God will bless us with another child when it is our time.

Food Baby.

So ever since the beginning of summer Adam has been putting on weight. It is hilarious because he has been twig thin ever since I met him. He eats whatever he wants and never gains an ounce. The only time he put weight on before was when I was pregnant with Eve and as soon as she was born the weight gain stopped. Well I think his body doesn't understand that I am not pregnant anymore because he is still getting bigger. Don't get me wrong I am in no way saying he is getting fat or that he is getting unattractive because I still think he is gorgeous. He is finally beginning to look like a normal person and not anorexic. I keep teasing him about his weight gain by telling him he is having a food baby and then rubbing his stomach. We both giggle and it is done. Well Eve now thinks everyone is having a food baby and we all have to keep eating to get them nice and big. This has helped her kind of deal with the loss (she finally stopped asking at random times why did your baby die? or When are you going to get another baby?) and also helped her start eating better so we kind of let it go. Her new habit though is to talk about food babies all the time and she is very imaginative. She keeps talking about how her food baby is going to come next week and then she keeps pulling up everyones shirt and asking how their food baby is. Then she gives you a raspberry. It is seriously hilarious but I am scared she is going to start doing this outside the house.

Our Anniversary

Our 5th anniversary was on 8.8.08. We went to Sedona for the weekend. It was so beautiful and relaxing. When we arrived it was sunny out and by the time we checked in it was pouring rain. The same thing happened the day we got married and were checking in to the hotel. Most of the pictures are from our balcony. There was the most beautiful full rainbow and in one spot there was a double rainbow. We could see both ends of the rainbow from our room. These pictures don't nearly do justice to how beautiful it is in Sedona.

SIL Update.

My ex-SIL had her open heart surgery on Friday and she is doing well. Thank you for those who prayed for her. Please keep her in your prayers for a smooth recovery.

A tiny vent (TMI).

This period is very similar to my m/c and it is making me depressed. I can't wait until it is over because there are huge clots and I feel so exhausted. I wish I could just sleep through all of this but unfortunately I have to work. On the positive side I am not totally hating work yet. I can't wait to start setting up my classroom tomorrow even though it is going to be a lot of work. I miss my friends but I am able to get a lot done because I won't spend all my time chatting with them.

Prayers Needed.

My brothers ex-wife and mother of my niece has been told she will need open heart surgery very soon. Tomorrow she will have more test done and they will set the date for the surgery. Apparently one of the valves leading to her heart is not right. Most people have a valve that is 3cm and at 5cm it is considered to be very bad. Hers is 8cm. She is only 33. I can't imagine her not being in my nieces life. She is in danger of having a heart attack at any moment. Please pray that she stays healthy until she has the surgery and that the surgery will go smoothly.

The end is here.

I go back to work tomorrow so my summer vacation is over. I am really sad about it. I will miss spending my days goofing around and being lazy. I will really miss spending time with Eve. She has been my ray of sunshine all summer. She always knows how to make me happy. I will miss the million kisses I get during the day. I am not looking forward to working 9 hours a day and waking up at 5:30 am. I am not a morning person at all. I am not looking forward to only spending 3 hours a weekday with Eve while she is awake. I wish I could stay home. Never before have I ever wanted to be a stay at home mom but I would do anything to make that happen but I know it is not possible. Maybe next year I can work from home. We will have to see what the future holds for us.

On another sad note. I am not pregnant this month. Of course I started spotting tonight and that means I will have my period full force for my first day back at work. On the brighter side my period is a few days early so that by the weekend it should be gone which means that hopefully I can enjoy some loving on my anniversary. I can't wait until Friday so we can get out of town and just spend time the two of us.

So goodbye summer and goodbye cycle #2. May God teach me grace to accept what the past has held and openness to what the future brings. I hope I can stay positive because it will be a rough week and I want to conquer it not the other way around.

Big Girl Bike

Eve learned to ride her big girl bike this weekend. We brought the bike in the house and worked on peddling. It was too hot to do it outside and she loves being in the house so we though we would give it a try. She has been able to ride her tricycle for a long time but the big girl bike really scared her so this was a big accomplishment. She was having the hardest time peddling but finally figured it out. She even took a huge spill after catching her handlebar on my mom's pants. She got a couple of bruises and a scrape on her chin but with it 45 minutes asked all on her own if she could ride her bike some more. This was so amazing coming from my child that seems to be afraid of anything that could be dangerous. Now when she is riding around the house and someone gets near her she says "no butts in my way!" It is her goofy way of saying stay out of my way. She never stops amazing us with what she has accomplished. She is getting more and more independent everyday. I am so proud of her.

TMI, Vent, and My Favorite.

Eve Trying to convince us to let her stay up longer.

So every night when Eve goes to bed she likes to procrastinate. She always has to go to the bathroom a million times and goes ever single time. It gets really annoying. I am hanging out and down the hall I hear, "Moooooommmmmy, I have to go POOOOOPPPPPIIIIIEEEE!" Then I get the pleasure of checking it out. She always tells you to close your eyes and then yells, "Surprise!" when you go in there. I guess it all goes back to potty training. Apparently we got way to excited that she feels it must continue. But let me tell you this kid can poop like no other kid know to man which is hilarious because she barely eats these days.

My other least favorite part of bedtime is reading. I swear the kid has to have at least 10 books read to her every night. I feel bad for saying no but honestly I am beginning to loath bedtime. If I have to read Green Eggs and Ham one more time I will turn green. It wouldn't be so bad if I had to just read the books but I must do it with all the different voices. I end up so tired at the end I almost pass out while going through the motions. I never get to go right to bed though because she will keep calling for me every five minutes once she needs something. Yes I know I am the parent but I hate making her cry around bedtime because it draws this whole process out 5 times as long. What happened to the good old days of crying it out. She can cry for hours now and does not even begin to get sleepy.

She was just out of bed and would not listen to my repeated requests for her to go back to bed. Honestly I was being lazy and didn't want to get up to physically put her back in bed because I am tired. She just stood there so I yelled at her. I feel really bad because she went away for a minute came back with tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy please don't yell at me. I love so much." I am such a schmuck. Eve is the most compassionate kid ever who is always trying to make everyone around her laugh, smile, and be happy. And what do I do? I rip her head off because I am being lazy. So I tucked her back in bed and said sorry for yelling at her and huggled and kissled (what she calls it) her. She told me she hopes I have sweet dreams and now she is finally off to slumber land...I think.

But I have to say even though I complain about putting her to bed my favorite part of the day is when she is awake. Especially when she just wakes up. If I get up before her I just want to wake her up because I missed her so much. Usually she wakes me up though and always comes in my room and climbs in bed and brushes my hair out of my face and whispers..."Mommy, I love you. Will you wake up and play with me?" Who doesn't want to wake up like that? I will be sad when I have to go back to work next week and can't spend as much time with her. She really is a sweet little girl.