Paranoid.

When I found out I was pregnant with the baby I miscarried I found myself drawn to reading stories about miscarriages. It might have to do with the fact that there were a lot of ladies on BOTB that m/c around the time I found out I was pregnant. It was kind of comforting to know that I wasn't the only person that this had happened to and honestly it really helped me recover quickly because they were able to be so positive. I honestly was about to go on a downward spiral of deep depression but their positive attitude of moving on made me realize I could do it to. Once I focused on the future instead of the past I felt this huge weight lifted and was able to start to enjoy my life for all the little blessings I have. Moving forward and TTC right away was my saving grace and allowed Adam and I to get closer than ever. I have felt a wave of emotions since finding out we are expecting again. I am so blessed to have this baby growing in me. The first few weeks were really stressful and I thought of nothing but is everything ok? Then I went to the Dr. and everything looked good and I felt relieved. I was happy for a few weeks and then I got really nervous before the next appointment and thought for sure something was wrong. Then when everything was ok and I felt relieved for a few weeks. Then I had some spotting and thought for sure something was wrong. I was happy to see everything was looking good. Now I find I am always reading stories about late miscarriages/stillbirths. My draw to these stories scares me. Am I reading them because something bad is going to happen? I then realize he hasn't been as active as he had been. I start freaking out some more. Will the freaking out ever stop. Can I ever just get excited and not worry? I am trying to stay positive and honestly he looked perfect on the u/s last week and I know everything will be fine. I have another u/s on the 18th maybe that will help settle me? I doubt it. Even once he is here I will probably still worry. I think that is just my nature. I hope I can relax and enjoy at least some of this for more than a few days at a time.