She is back

Eve has always been a fairly good kid.  She has had her moments but overall she has always been well behaved.  I never had to deal with tatrums or attitude.  Simply giving her an explanation was enough 99% of the time.  After the first 3 months of her life (where she never slept) she has been a cake walk to have as a daughter.  I have been soooooo lucky and blessed to have such a sweet little lady in my life. 

Then she turned 5 and I seriously thought we might have fast forwarded 10 year and we were at age 15 instead.  She got a huge attitude and knew to test my patience like no one else.  I seriously wasn't sure how we were going to make it through the next 15 years if this is how we were going to start. 

She was testing all of my limits and I there were times I felt like I was disciplining her more than talking and playing with her.  It really broke my heart.  We were having a major power struggle.  I had a huge conflict withine myself of how to set boundries with her yet give her the attention she needed.

I went away on a work trip and the whole week before she became super clingy.  She has never been clingy a day in her life. 

First she wanted to be completely independent and it drove me crazy.  Then she became completely clingy and it drove me crazy.  I just couldn't win.

Then I came back from my work trip to a totally different child.  She found balance while I was gone.  I don't know what happened but this new version of Eve is AMAZING. 

I am writing this so when we get back to the rough patch (because I am sure we will one day) I can remember although there might be some rough patches we will also have some amazing patches too. 

The dentist.

Eve went to the dentist for the first time.  I was totally nervous that we were going to get yelled at because we waited so long to take her because we never had dental insurance until now.  I also thought we would get yelled at because I thought she had a cavity in every tooth.  Her mouth looked like a mess even though we brush everyday and most days we brush at least twice.  Well she only has one real cavity and one that is really close to being a cavity because of some decay so they are going to scrap part of the tooth and fill it with a sealant.  I know that sounds horrible but in reality the dr. said that he was surprised there wasn't more damage.  Eve has a really tiny mouth and her teeth are really crammed in there and because of this she is going to be prone to tooth decay.  We have to brush and floss 3 times a day and they said we can expect to go see an orthodontist as soon as her permanent teeth come in.  Milo gets to go with her for her next appointment.  That should be interesting since he can't stand people like Dr. touching him.

Eve loved the dentist and is already looking forward to going back.  I am happy she enjoyed it.  I am nervous that when she goes back on Sept 10 for her filling though because she will need to be put under.  For some reason it freaks me out.

Mom of the year.

Adam and I were sitting at the table eating grilled Velvetta cheese sandwiches and Adam was saying it is too bad Eve doesn't like cheese because they were really yummy. Right after that Eve came over to ask what we were eating. I told her Velvetta sandwiches and she said she wanted a bite. We gave her some and she liked it. Then she asked what Velvetta was and I told her it was meat because if I told her it was cheese she would never eat it again. So now the joke is that we eat Velvetta meat sandwiches.

Other than that I have just been really busy with work and just don't feel like I will ever catch up. Work has had a lot of up and downs and I am trying to roll with the punches and keep a positive attitude.

Singing

Last weekend when we were at Adam's parents house they wanted to know if Eve wanted to sleep with them. She didn't want to while I don't blame her because she isn't super close with them this coming from a kid who always finds ways to scam her way into our bed or into my parent's bed ALL.THE.TIME. I knew it kind of hurt their feelings and since I am trying to help her become closer to them I struck a deal with her that if she slept with them this one time I would let her spend the night in our bed when we got home for one night. She agreed as long as I also sang her our song. Not a big deal right? Well I go to put her down and Adam's parent's bed and my mother-in-law laid with her. So Eve is like sing my song now mom. So I had to sing the song in front of my mother-in-law. I have a TERRIBLE singing voice but I did it even though I was super embarrassed and she spent the night with them and all were happy.

So here is our song sung by the person who should sing it to her every night because I am going to make her tone def with my singing.

Halloween

So I have been asking Eve what she wants to be for Halloween this year. (It is never too early to start planning in my opinion.)

So far she has wanted to be:
A birdie
A scary monster
and a Dinosaur: a Stomp-A-Saurus to be exact

I love her.

Maybe she is mine.

I always say that Eve can't possibly be my child because she doesn't like cheese. Adam and I love cheese and put it on EVERYTHING. She hates cheese. I am from Wisconsin so how could I not love cheese. There are 3 things we love in good old Wisconsin...cheese, beer, and sausage. I love all types of sausage...brats, summer, chedderwurst, etc...and of course I can never get enough beef jerky and snack sausage (ask Adam and he will tell you that whenever we go on a road trip I can't live without beef jerky or snack sticks.) Eve loves snack sticks. She ate half the package I bought yesterday. So apparently she is my child.

Sibling Love.

While in the hotel Eve slept between Adam and I and Milo slept in his carseat next to me. Well Milo woke up to eat and when he was done I laid him next to Eve so I could take a picture of them together. Eve woke up, saw Milo was next to her and put her arm around him and they fell back asleep.

My big girl.

So today Milo was napping and Eve wanted to do the Wii fit so I put on her body test and click all the buttons for her while chatting with Adam on MSN messenger. Well I must not have been going fast enough or paying much attention because before I know it I look up and she took the controller and is doing ski jump. She apparently knows how to use the Wii without assistance. Sometimes I don't know about this kid because she seems to have a knack for the most random things yet still skips numbers when counting (she always forgets 6.)

So here is a picture I snuck of her playing by herself.

Eve the S-M-R-T child

Eve woke up the other morning and had to go to the restroom. I was in the living room with Milo so she was going and this is the conversation we had across the house.

E: Mom I peed a little on the floor
Me: Get some toilet paper and clean it up I will be in there in a minute to clean it better.
E: Mom it got all over Milo's bath mat.
Me: What do you mean it got all over Milo's bath mat?
E: I kind of made a mess.
Me: Ok I am coming.

So I put Milo down and go in the bathroom to find that there is pee everywhere. Like a giant puddle. I then started laughing hysterically. The night before we had given Milo a bath and Adam had put the toilet seat down so he could sit on it while we bathed him. Eve never put it up and her pee rolled right off of the toilet onto the ground. It is now the running joke that we ask Eve every time if she is sure the seat is up.

Words.

Eve wants Milo to talk. She is obsessed with teaching him words. She decided to teach him to say love so everytime he is awake she comes over to him and says, "LLLOOOVVVVEEE!" for like a minute straight. Then looks at me and says, "He needs to learn how to say love."

Tonight she realized he couldn't say her name either so she decided to add "EEEVVVEEE" to the rotation of words.

She is such a silly girl and I love her so much.

The big sister.

(Excuse the messy hair we had just gotten finished dancing around the house.)

Eve has been an amazing big sister so far. She loves to help out by getting me a diaper or making a bottle. She gives him kisses all the time. We have been trying really hard to give her extra attention and let her know we still love her so much. Well on Friday she spent the night at my parents (she would live there if we let her.) On Saturday we came and she asked why we brought Milo with us. I figured she was just being a goof because when I questioned her on it she skipped off to play with her toys. Well today I was complementing her on what a great big sister she is because she helped me by putting a blanket on Milo so he wouldn't get cold. She turns to me and says, "I don't want to be the big sister anymore." When I asked her why she didn't want to be a big sister and her response was that she wanted him to go back in my tummy. I think the jealousy has kicked in a little bit.

The beginning fears.

Disclaimer: What I am about to share took me a long time to realize and is not my proudest of memories but it is what happened. This is going to be really really long.

Eve's pregnancy was really hard on me physically and emotionally. Probably not more than a normal person but it wasn't all sunshine and daisies like I thought it would be. I felt so overworked and overwhelmed that all I wanted to do was to get some sleep before she came. I dreamed of getting a good restful sleep. I decided to take off 2 weeks before my due date to get her things in order and more importantly get some extra sleep. I figured I would get at least 2 weeks if not more to accomplish all the tasks I had set forth. Well on my very first day off of work my water broke at 5 am. All my plans for some leisure time were thrown out the window. We went to the hospital and Eve was born at 3:42am the next day. I was in labor for about 23 hours and was exhausted. I spiked a fever right after having her so I was put on antibiotics and they wouldn't let me breastfeed her right away because I was in pretty bad shape (I was shaking from chills and kind of was in and out of consciousness.) They ended up giving her a bottle before I was given the opportunity to breastfeed. When it came time for me to breastfeed Eve wanted no part of it. She refused to be placed into any sort of position to be breastfed and whenever there was a boob in her face it would result in an all out meltdown. I had lactation consultants try and help and nothing was working. I wanted to breastfeed so desperately. We tried to get her on the boob the whole time I was in the hospital but it just wasn't happening. I decided to start pumping and supplement when needed with formula. While we were in the hospital I got next to no sleep because I had the IV in my hand the whole time and honestly that was the worst part of my recovery because it hurt so bad. Eve slept pretty well while we were in the hospital. We came home a loving family and I was so happy to be out of the hospital. When we got home I was pumping every 2 hours for 20 minutes in hopes of getting enough milk to not have to supplement and to help ease my engorgement. I felt like I was being strangled by my enormous breasts. Eve decided to go from sleepy all day baby to inconsolable all day where nothing makes me happy not eating, rocking, cuddling, gas drops, or a clean diaper. She wouldn't nap longer than 20 minutes and she had to have every light on and the TV on to hopefully stay calm enough to sleep or just not freak out. We tried everything. Adam and I would take shifts Basically he would take her from the time he walked into the house at 3:30pm-12am. I would try to sleep during that time but I still needed to pump every 2 hours, eat dinner, and I was desperate to spend time with him. I felt like a walking zombie and there were times I seriously had to put Eve down and go in another room and scream my head off just to let the frustration get out. This went on for 2 months. I wasn't sure if we were going to survive. I loved her more than anything but this was more than I had bargained for. Well when she was 2 months old she went 10 days without pooping. I was constantly talking to the Dr. office about what to do because my already fussy baby was getting worse. On top of all of this my breasts started hurting so bad I couldn't even walk because brushing my arm against them would make me start to cry. I continued to pump through the tears thinking it was just a clogged duct but as the pain became so unbearable we packed up and went to the hospital (because of course this all came to a head on a Saturday.) My parents took Eve and we spent 9 hours at the hospital for them to tell me I had mastitis in both breasts. While we waited in the hospital I confessed to Adam that I couldn't stand breastfeeding. I loathed it and wanted to quit. He was really supportive and said it was my decision to make. He was fine with just giving her formula. I had such mixed emotions on it. I went back and forth on the issue. I wanted to quit but I wanted to do what was best for her as well. Well I continued to pump for a few more days but as the mastitis began to clear I got a clogged duct and that was my final straw. I really couldn't do it anymore. Having a happy mommy was more important than being breastfed because I wasn't being the mom I wanted to be to her because I felt so miserable. The night we switched her to formula for good she finally pooped and the next night she slept 8 hours straight. It was a miracle and from that point forward she was a wonderful child and we started to bond.

When I look back at those first few months I am so sad because I don't think I bonded with her like I wanted to and I think I suffered from depression. I was so upset with the fact that I didn't get my time off before she was born. I was upset that I wasn't sleeping. I was upset that she wouldn't go to the breast. I was upset that I had to pump. I was upset that Adam had to go back to work when we had only been home a few days. I was upset that the first months weren't how I dreamed them to be. I have a lot of regret from her first few weeks and although she is a wonderful child I wish I had a better start with her.

With this pregnancy I felt a lot more prepared. I wasn't scared of delivery. I set it up so I could take a month off before he came. Adam would take off more time to help transition (although this might not happen.) I would be ok from the beginning if breastfeeding didn't work out. I would still give it a try but if he didn't latch on I would not guilt myself over it and just go directly to formula. I wouldn't feel bad asking for help from my parents or Adam's parents. I felt like I had a plan for everything that went wrong with Eve so we could have a better and more calm start with Milo. Then I got thrown the curve ball of a possible c/s and I felt those plans starting to fall through and was scared I would have the same really rough start I had with Eve. I don't want to feel regret or resentment towards him since things didn't work out like I planned them to. I know it will all work out in the long run but in the short term I think there might be some struggles. I hope that by realizing these feeling now I will be able to face the challenges that lie ahead. I know that it took me until Eve was almost a year old to realize how miserable I was those first few months and the impact that had on my relationship to Eve and Adam.

Eve Won!

I entered Eve into a photo contest to win Elmo live tickets. The criteria was to take a picture of your child or family enjoying the newest line of Shamrock products. I entered this picture and Eve won 4th place. I am so excited because we are going to go see Elmo Live! Eve was jumping up and down when I told her. We went last year and it was really cute but expensive. Now hopefully this baby cooperates so that I can go along to the show.

KSTDT4

We are watching the Discovery Planet Earth series and they have Polar bears on which Eve keeps calling Panda bears. Her is the conversation we just had.

Eve: What are they like to eat?
Me: I don't know honey we don't eat polar bears.
Eve: Nooooo Mom. What do they like to eat?
Me: Ohhh. They like seals.

Christmas Present.

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. Eve loves everything she got and was a total angel all weekend. On Christmas Eve we had my grandma over so we could give her gifts and spend a little time with her. She is doing surprisingly well considering how sick she is. The girls got new pajamas. We frosted cookies and left them out for Santa. Eve got Santa a glass of water because she didn't think he would like milk and we left out carrots for the reindeer. On Christmas we woke up about 8:30 am. Eve was so excited that Santa ate up all her cookies and the reindeer ate the carrots and she thought it was really silly that Santa left 1 sip of water in the cup. Bella (my niece found the pickle in the tree.) I swear she woke up in the middle of the night and found it because she found it in about 2 seconds flat and it was hidden really well. It took the girls well over an hour to open all their presents. They loved every single thing they got. Adam totally spoiled me this year. I am so thankful for such a loving and thoughtful husband. We headed up to Sedona around 1 pm and it rained on us the whole way. We got to Adams parents house and enjoyed a nice relaxing weekend up there. Eve got a bunch of toys from them and she had a blast. Milo enjoyed all the good food that Adam's mom cooked for us. He has not stopped moving since Christmas. It was cold as all heck there though one morning we woke up it was 27 degrees. It snowed farther north. We came back home and enjoyed a few more days with my brother and niece and now they are back in WI. Things have settled here a bit and we are trying to figure out how we will move forward in the new year. Here are a few photos of our Christmas.

Eve's Potty Dolly from Santa.

Adam, Eve, and Bella. Eve totally adores Bella.

Opening her mound of presents.

Cake mix for the Easy Bake oven.

The cradle for her dollies from Santa.

Also as soon as she opened up the package with the dress she is wearing in this picture her pajamas went flying off and the dress went on. She is such a girly girl.

Christmas Past

Eve loves to look at pictures of herself. She is obsessed with baby pictures right now. I really don't have that many baby pictures of her. Honestly when she was first born we were really bad about taking pictures. Even to this day I am not the one who hauls the camera everywhere we go just to capture all the special things she does. So last night she asked to see Christmas baby pictures and I actually had some. It is hard for me to remember her being so tiny and cuddly. I remember being so excited to give her all of her presents that first Christmas that Adam and I woke her up because we couldn't wait any longer. She was in a good mood and kept going after my cup of coffee and eventually knocked it over leaving a huge spill on the carpet. It took her a long time to open her presents and a lot of encouragement from us (and 2 wardrobe changes). It was one of my favorite memories because it was the first time I really truly felt like we were our own little family just the three of us. So as we go into our last Christmas as the three of us I would love to share pictures of our first family Christmas.

Santa is coming!!!

I am so excited for Christmas this year. I can't wait to give Eve all her gifts. We wrapped all the gifts from us last night. We stacked them up in our family room. Eve knows that most of them are for her because of the Tinkerbell wrapping paper. She keeps asking me if she can open them yet. When I tell her no she then asks if I could tell her what one of them is and that she won't tell Santa that she knows. I love her enthusiasm and cleverness. Every Christmas gets better and better. I love Christmas time with her and I can't wait until next Christmas when I have 2 kids to spoil.

Santa Pictures!

We took Eve to the tree lighting festival in our town last night. Overall it was kind of lame, but they did have Santa and she was so excited to see him. She told him she wanted a potty dolly.
Then she pointed out her daddy and told Santa he wanted trains for Christmas.
Then she talked to him for a long time until we finally kept calling her name and she turned so we could take a nice picture.

KSTDT3.

It has been a while since I posted something funny Eve said. Tonight we are watching Rudolph and the snowman said Christmas Eve. She said hey that is my name but he said it wrong. It is Aisling Eve not Christmas Eve.

So Excited!

Eve comes home today from her 10 day trip to Wisconsin with my mom to visit my brother and niece. I cannot wait to see her. In the future I think we will have a 7 day limit on trips away because that was when I hit my breaking point of being desperate to see her. Last night she was so sad on the phone. She said, "Mommy I want to come back to my home so that my whole family is together." Eve loves her family. It has been kind of lonely in the house even though Adam and my Dad are both here. Even my dad said last night when we were out to dinner I really miss Eve. I think all three of us are itching for her to get home. I can't wait to take her out to look at Christmas lights because it is her favorite thing to do. Almost our whole street has decorated already. We really need to get on it. She always loves our house the best because it "glows" as she puts it. I seriously think I am going to smother her when I see her. I took off today just so I didn't have to wait until I got home to see her. I can't wait.