A bump in the road

Today my totally awesome breastfeeder decided to become a total pain in the behind. Starting at 3:30 am he just refused to go the breast. I got maybe 10 minutes of milking in over the course of an hour. Both of us were exhausted over the fight. We both passed out and I was awoken by a gentle cry at 8:30am. Another fight ensued over going to the breast. He stopped crying but refused to latch so I figured when he got hungry enough he would cry and we would try again. He fell asleep at around 10:00 and kept sleeping. I tried to wake him again at noon but he just fought me again on going to the breast. At this point I was starting to worry about him. He hadn't really eaten since 3:30 am and was sleeping pretty much nonstop. We called the Dr. and the Dr. said to give him a bottle because he might just be to tired to try and eat from the breast. I went to the bedroom and pumped and Adam feed it to him in a bottle. I felt like a total failure. As Adam fed him the bottle I sobbed. Things had started out so perfectly with him. My milk even came in without any pain because he was nursing so frequently. I had all these flashbacks of what it was like with Eve. I felt the resentment towards my pump. Was my breast milk not good enough? I was mad that our perfectness was over. I had felt like supermom and now I am just a mom. I was sad that he didn't want to bond with me over the breast. Even after the bottle of breast milk we were seeing little improvement in his alertness. Adam and I got into an argument where some not so nice things were said to him and I don't even know why. He has been so supportive and even knew when he walked into the room and saw me sobbing away knew exactly why I was so upset. After going back and forth all day about what I wanted to do I came to decision. We are going to formula feed. I refuse to let breastfeeding make me such an emotional wreck and I refuse to let it dictate my relationship with my son. We will still bond it will just be over a bottle instead and now he can bond with it with his father too. I am still a little sad over not continuing breastfeeding but I refuse to pump full time and I don't want to deal with all of my emotional baggage that comes with breastfeeding every time we hit a bump in the road. I want to enjoy every last second of my time off with him and I am not going to waste anymore energy on being unhappy. After 3 bottles of formula my son has regained his energy and is sitting and staring at me looking super happy and that makes me one happy mommy.