Sooo Sleepy.

Honestly the exhaustion has set in. I can barely function when I am awake. I could take a nap at any given time in the day even if I just woke from a nap. It is making me regret taking such a full class schedule. I cannot motivate myself to do my homework or study at all. I literally wait until the last second. During the week I am worthless because after work I can barely muster enough energy to chew my food an stare blankly at my computer. I get the rare burst of energy. My procrastination leads to freakouts of how I am going to get everything I need to done. I think I am going to start waking up a half hour earlier to work out before work. Hopefully this combined with eating a healthy well balanced diet(my other new obsession) will allow me to have enough energy to function throughout my day and perhaps have a little bit of energy to burn when I get home. I need to stop being so lazy and start living. I have been having a little bit of cramping today which has me freaked out. I seriously need to stop googling and go find my pregnancy books. Google is scary and every time I Google pregnant and cramping it always leads to possible sign of m/c. I really wish the people who wrote this could also put that it is a totally normal sign of pregnancy because it is. I am looking forward to and scared about my appointment on Thursday. I wish I could just speak up and find out exactly what we are going to be doing at the appointment. Am I going to get and u/s or not? Is it going to be a piss and blood test and weight and be told to have a nice day see you in a month. I need some reassurance and I am not the best about speaking up for what I need. I would even be willing to pay for the u/s out of pocket just to know the baby is healthy. I am sure everything is fine and for the most part I am really positive and feel confident about all of this but at other times I am scared out of my mind. I hope this is it. I want a healthy baby more than anything in the world.

I am scared.

Honestly I have never see a bigger time for change in our nation that right now. I am totally scared about what the elections are going to bring. Honestly if I could choose one thing right now to base my election choice on it would be the economy. Honestly the economy is so bad right now that even "secure" jobs such as teaching are no where near being secure. We have had major cutbacks in our district and they are threatening even more next year. We might lose programs that are making a huge difference in the lives of our students. We are already working with the bare minimum support financially and I can't believe they can cut more. My dad who has never lost a job in his life lost his job 3 times in the past 2 years due to companies being closed and filling for bankruptcy. Adam lost his job twice in one year. They both worked in the real estate world so that has a lot to do with why business is slow and thankfully both my father and Adam have found jobs that are not in the real estate business world anymore but even at their new jobs there have been layoffs and every time Adam calls me I worry that he is calling me to tell me he got let go again (even though I doubt that will happen.) This was not something I ever feared before. For a few months I was the only person in my family with a job. I hope no one ever has to feel what that is like because while I was busy trying to educated 130 students everyday I was also worried about how my family was going to find new jobs in a market where few people are hiring and knew that many of my students were going through similar situations. My school as lost 500 students in the last 3 years because their parents had to move elsewhere for jobs. I live in the great state of Arizona where Mr. John McCain is from and this is what is happening here. What is he doing to make life better where he has lived? Nothing because let me tell you it is bad. This is one issue I could go on and on and on about. I am scared about our environment with people who want to drill for something that might not even be there. If you can't draw the line there where do you draw the line? I am scared we will continue to fight a war that we shouldn't be fighting. I am so sad that so many people are disillusioned about George Bush, John McCain, and Sarah Palin as being true Americans who are fighting for our freedom. I doubt they understand what is like to be an average citizen who don't have millions sitting in their bank accounts waiting for them when they lose their jobs. I seriously can't understand how any middle class person can vote republican. They do not have your best interests at heart. They will do what is needed to keep the rich afloat and create an even greater divide between the rich and the poor. I want a greater America where those who chose to work hard has a chance to be successful. I want an American where we can agree to disagree over issues and not have others views forced upon me. I know now that people are starting to not like Bush as much I often hear "well we voted him into office." I hate that. I didn't vote him into office either time because I predicted he would be another repeat of his father but worse and I was correct. I honestly can't see one positive change that he made. I am worried of another 4 years of the same. I want change and I hope that this time America will agree with me.

My Sweetie.

Every morning this week Eve has woken up with me. She is so happy and sweet in the morning. As I rush around getting ready she pops out of bed and says, "Good Morning Mommy!" In the most cheerful voice you can imagine. I am a total crank in the morning and it totally puts me in a great mood to see her so happy. We hang out for a while and she follows me around while I get ready creating a gate at every door so I have to give her a kiss to get through. Then as I head to work she tells me to stay home with her. When I tell her I have to go to work she tells me to take her heart with me, and then tells me to bring home a present from my work. (which usually is a bottle of water or lemonade) Seriously I almost have left the house in tears every morning this week. I need to win the lotto so I can stay home. I love my sweet munchkin so much.

We are back.

We went to Wisconsin for the weekend at it was interesting to say the least. Being with Adam's family makes me feel like I am on Jerry Springer. I will update tomorrow or Tuesday for anybody that would like to see a recap of the drama filled weekend.

Advertising.

Well Eve has begun to get suckered in by advertising. Whenever she is watching TV and sees something she wants she tells me to add it to her Santa list. Then at random times she talks about how Santa is going to get this thing she saw on tv. So far she has 2 items she hasn't stopped talking about and they are 2 toys I don't really want to get her because they are kind of lame.


First she wants a water baby.

Secondly she wants a rolling puppy.She already has 10 thousand stuffed animals and I refuse to buy her anymore.

Can't wait.

I ordered 2 bella bands on Sunday. Why? Because I am already so bloated that I can't stand to have my pants buttoned. Yes I know I am only 5 weeks and I have a long way to go but my cloths were snug prebaby so this added bloat makes my pants dig into my belly. I learned something when I was pregnant with Eve which was I couldn't stand to have anything remotely tight around my stomach while pregnant. I was in materinity pants at 7 weeks with her because of this issue. I really though I could wait that long with this baby too but I bought them on Sunday so that when the time comes I am prepared. Well that time was today and I still haven't gotten them. I went to put on my pants this morning and they closed after I sucked it in a little. The problem came when I went to tie my shoe. I bent over and seriously couldn't breath while bent over because my pants were cutting so far into my stomach that I was holding my breath like I was straining. When I sat back up I realized this feeeling didn't go away and realized how miserable I was going to be all day. My pants have button and 2 clasps. If I buttoned the button but left the clasps undone it gave it an extra 1/2 and inch. This was a tiny relief but I still had a red mark on my tummy when I took them off. I am a little worried about how much weight I have gained and am a little scared to step on the scale. I have been eating way to much from fear it will all change soon. With Eve I never wanted to eat anything, but had to force feed myself. I asked Adam if he would mind rolling me around like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when I become so fat that I can't walk anymore. He said he was cool with that.

Eve's Laugh.

I was asking Adam to go to McDonald's to pick up a big mac for me. Eve was trying to get Adam to take her along and Adam said only if Mommy comes too. I am exhausted and just got home from working 12 hours. I am laying around in my bathrobe and said I don't want to come because I don't want to get dressed. Adam said that I should come in my bathrobe. At this point Eve started laughing uncontrollably while I informed Adam I would not be going in my bathrobe. Eve the said, "That is so funny. You guys make me laugh so hard." When I asked her why she said, "That would be so funny if you went to McDonald's in your bathrobe Mommy." I love how smart she is and that she can see how ridiculous her daddy's suggestion was, but the best part of the whole thing was to hear that big hearty laugh she gets when she thinks something is really funny.