Christmas Past

Eve loves to look at pictures of herself. She is obsessed with baby pictures right now. I really don't have that many baby pictures of her. Honestly when she was first born we were really bad about taking pictures. Even to this day I am not the one who hauls the camera everywhere we go just to capture all the special things she does. So last night she asked to see Christmas baby pictures and I actually had some. It is hard for me to remember her being so tiny and cuddly. I remember being so excited to give her all of her presents that first Christmas that Adam and I woke her up because we couldn't wait any longer. She was in a good mood and kept going after my cup of coffee and eventually knocked it over leaving a huge spill on the carpet. It took her a long time to open her presents and a lot of encouragement from us (and 2 wardrobe changes). It was one of my favorite memories because it was the first time I really truly felt like we were our own little family just the three of us. So as we go into our last Christmas as the three of us I would love to share pictures of our first family Christmas.

Santa is coming!!!

I am so excited for Christmas this year. I can't wait to give Eve all her gifts. We wrapped all the gifts from us last night. We stacked them up in our family room. Eve knows that most of them are for her because of the Tinkerbell wrapping paper. She keeps asking me if she can open them yet. When I tell her no she then asks if I could tell her what one of them is and that she won't tell Santa that she knows. I love her enthusiasm and cleverness. Every Christmas gets better and better. I love Christmas time with her and I can't wait until next Christmas when I have 2 kids to spoil.

Only 1 semester to go!

I got my grades posted today. When I graduate in May I will have a 4.0! I am so proud of myself. I only have to finish my capstone project this semester(which is a pass/fail class) and I will be the most educated person in my whole family. (Only 4 people from both sides of my family have graduated from college.) I am ready to be done with school and actually get to enjoy my family and let Adam have a chance to go back to earn his bachelors degree. May is going to be the best month ever!!!

Sick.

I am super sick. I have a headache that won't go away. I seriously think I could sleep for a month straight. I am calling the Dr. first thing tomorrow. I was fine until yesterday and now I seriously feel sooo sick. It couldn't come at a worse time. The last week before winter vacation is only the most hectic unbearable time. At least I am done Christmas shopping so I don't have that added stress. I hope I start feeling better soon. I think I am going to stay home tomorrow. I can barely even function right now and I am not sure I am up to dealing with 150 7th graders who are all in the last minute rush to get their grades up which means they are all super duper needy.

A day.

My grandma is in the hospital with pneumonia in both lungs even though she had the pneumonia shot. She is in really bad shape. She is so confused and delusional. Her blood oxygen level was at 73% when she got to the hospital. It makes her really loopy when her oxygen levels drop. Even now that they are back up to normal she is still delusional. She had to be restrained in her bed because she keeps pulling out all of the things attached to her. I really don't think she is going to make it through this. She is 87 and has been going down hill for a long time. I know she has wanted to rejoin my grandpa since he passed a little over 9 years ago. My dad was asked at the hospital if he wanted to sign a do not resuscitate(DNR) on her. In her living will it says that she would like a DNR. My dad called his sister and asked for her advice. She said she would leave the decision up to my dad. I think it was pretty shitty for her to put him in that position. My aunt deals with all of the easy stuff with my grandma and leaves all the crap to my dad. He went to the hospital tonight and he didn't put the DNR on her records. I know it is hard for him and he doesn't want to feel guilty for letting her die but I really think it is for the best and it was her wishes. I love her so much but it is really hard to watch her suffer. I just want her to have peace.

Tag

I've been tagged by bella102 , and have to follow the rules.
Here they are:
list these rules on your blog. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their name as well as links to their blog. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I refuse to eat food at potlucks that wasn’t made by me. Other peoples food handling procedures scare me.
2. I tell Adam, “I love you. Have a good day at work. Drive Safe.” every morning before he goes to work. It has become such a habit I am afraid to jinx anything by not saying it.
3. I am terrible at writing yet love to do it. I didn't realize how bad my grammar was until recently.
   
4. I use more capstick and lotion in a day than most people use in a year.
5. I love funky tennis shoes that most people think are too crazy for an adult to wear.
6. Ich kann Duetsch lesen, aber nicht sprechen.
7. I hate to talk on the phone with a passion to anyone besides Adam, Eve, my mom or dad.
   

I am not going to tag anyone because I am boring and honestly it took me 30 min to think of 7 random things about myself. If you want me to tag you leave a link in this post and I will. As an amends to not following the rules I will leave an 8th random fact: I am really really really really lazy!

Paranoid.

When I found out I was pregnant with the baby I miscarried I found myself drawn to reading stories about miscarriages. It might have to do with the fact that there were a lot of ladies on BOTB that m/c around the time I found out I was pregnant. It was kind of comforting to know that I wasn't the only person that this had happened to and honestly it really helped me recover quickly because they were able to be so positive. I honestly was about to go on a downward spiral of deep depression but their positive attitude of moving on made me realize I could do it to. Once I focused on the future instead of the past I felt this huge weight lifted and was able to start to enjoy my life for all the little blessings I have. Moving forward and TTC right away was my saving grace and allowed Adam and I to get closer than ever. I have felt a wave of emotions since finding out we are expecting again. I am so blessed to have this baby growing in me. The first few weeks were really stressful and I thought of nothing but is everything ok? Then I went to the Dr. and everything looked good and I felt relieved. I was happy for a few weeks and then I got really nervous before the next appointment and thought for sure something was wrong. Then when everything was ok and I felt relieved for a few weeks. Then I had some spotting and thought for sure something was wrong. I was happy to see everything was looking good. Now I find I am always reading stories about late miscarriages/stillbirths. My draw to these stories scares me. Am I reading them because something bad is going to happen? I then realize he hasn't been as active as he had been. I start freaking out some more. Will the freaking out ever stop. Can I ever just get excited and not worry? I am trying to stay positive and honestly he looked perfect on the u/s last week and I know everything will be fine. I have another u/s on the 18th maybe that will help settle me? I doubt it. Even once he is here I will probably still worry. I think that is just my nature. I hope I can relax and enjoy at least some of this for more than a few days at a time.