Why is breaking up so hard to do?

So like I said I have been having some serious lower back pain/pelvic pain since Milo has been born. I decided to go to the chiropractor about it. He is a nice guy but I am just not feeling much relief and honestly I feel like I am now in pain in places where there wasn't really pain before. Like for instance he was pulling on my head to realign my neck and since then my ears feel like they do when you go on an airplane and my jaw hurts. Then last time I went he was pulling on my leg to try and realign my hip and my ankle cracked and it hurt to walk for the rest of the night. I would like to stop going but I am not sure how to break off the appointments. I am also having some issues from my past that is making this difficult.

When I was 20 I was in a pretty bad car accident. I got t-boned and was having some lower back pain and jaw pain. The pain was mostly when I sat down for too long and although painful it wasn't debilitating either. I simply wanted to live a life where there was no pain. I decided to go see a pain management Dr. He made me come to see him every other day including weekends. He put me on some heavy narcotics and did some types of therapy. None of the narcotics seemed to help. He kept changing my prescription to different types of meds and nothing helped with the pain. Honestly looking back I can't even remember what exactly he did for therapy because all I can remember is that with all the drugs I was on was I could not lead a normal life. I was going to him for about 2 months with my parents paying his ridiculously expensive bills that insurance would only partly cover and me having to pay $20 co-pays 4 times a week(I was a broke college kid at the time.) Well one weekend I was watching TV and I was going to get ready for bed and I literally couldn't get myself out of the chair. It took about 30 minutes of me trying to get my body to do what my brain was telling it. This would happen to me often and it was making me feel overwhelmed so he prescribed me some anti-anxiety meds. So I thought I was doing better until one day I missed a dose of my medicine and went through withdrawal just like a junkie. It was awful. I realized my body had become addicted to these drugs and that was something I didn't like. I decided to start lowering my own dosage over the next week in hopes of getting off them even though the Dr. said it was important that I take them. Many times I spent hours on the bathroom floor trying to recover. One one of these days my parents were home and as I lay on the floor huddled in the fetal position my mom was in there talking to me and suddenly I just laid out everything I was feeling. I wasn't feeling better, the drugs were making me feel like I couldn't handle my life, and overall I was just stressed. She called my Dr. and explained what was happening and his response was that I needed to get a higher dose of drugs and come in immediately to see him. My mom explained to him that the drugs were making me worse and he started yelling at her. My mom explained that his services were no longer needed and he became irate with her. I could hear him yelling at her through the phone. She hung up on him and after a weekend of hell I was off the drugs and feeling like a normal person again. I still had back pain so at the referral of my regular Dr. went and saw a physical therapist and healed up real nice. Crazy ass Dr. lost his licence shortly after I stopped seeing him because he treat other patients even worse than me. So I have Dr. issues and I kind of feel like going to the chiropractor has a lot of similarities to seeing Dr. Crazy.

1. I am not feeling any better and when I do feel a little relief it is short lived.
2. I am going to see him at least twice a week at $35 a pop. That is $70 a week, $140 every two weeks, $280 a month. That is a lot of money to me especially when I am still in pain. I think about all the nice things I could do with $280 a month and it sickens me.
3. My pain is in one very specific spot and it seems to be the spot that he spends the least amount of time working on. He does all of my lower back but it is specifically just to the left of my tailbone very deep in the joint that hurts.

So I want to stop seeing him and perhaps go to physical therapy instead. It is a really small office with just his wife as the receptionist and him. (another similarity to Dr. Crazy) and I feel bad because they are nice people and I know he feels like chiropractors don't get the credit they deserve and that he really wants to help me but it just isn't working out for me. I know I just need to call and cancel my appointment but I am having a hard time with it.

Halloween

So I have been asking Eve what she wants to be for Halloween this year. (It is never too early to start planning in my opinion.)

So far she has wanted to be:
A birdie
A scary monster
and a Dinosaur: a Stomp-A-Saurus to be exact

I love her.

I loved you first.

I have been trying desperately to get a video of Milo cooing and smiling. This is the best I have gotten so far. I love Eve in this video. She has become a total ham for the camera lately and wants to be in every picture with Milo. She is so sweet to him though and he loves to stare at her.

The "I loved you first" is a game we play in our house and it usually involves a lot of ..."No I loved__(pick a family member)__first." I am actually surprised that she didn't say it back after I said I loved Milo first because we usually go back and forth a lot. If you listen really carefully you will here Adam say he loved Milo first after I say it. In our house we tell a lot of secrets and 90% of the time the secret is I loved you first and the other 10% is I love you.

No Sleep...Till Brooklyn

(Disclaimer...As I was typing the title No Sleep I said it just like in the Beastie Boys song. So that is where the Till Brooklyn came from. Click here to see a video of this song. I luvre me some Beastie Boys.)

Last night sleep was pretty much nonexistent.

8:30pm-both kids in bed
10:30pm-Adam and I go to bed.
11pm-fall asleep
12:30am-Eve starts crying in the other room. She is scared and wants to come in our room.
12:30-1:30am-Eve will not lay still in bed and every time I ask her to chill out or I move she starts talking to me. She is WIDE awake.
2am-I am sweating profusely since Eve won't stop laying on top of me so I get up to turn the air lower.
3:30am-Milo starts to fuss.
3:45am-Milo wants a bottle/diaper change.
4am-put him back down
4am-4:45am-He fusses every 15 minutes for his nooky.
4:45am-I give him some more bottle in hopes of making him go into a milk coma....Success
5am-Success...put him back down to sleep
5:30am-Adam's alarm starts going off.
6am-7am-peace and quiet
7am-Milo starts fussing. I get up to make him a bottle and he fell back asleep before I can give it to him.

7am-and both kids are passed out and I am giving up on sleep because I need to be at the Chiropractor at 11:30am which means leaving the house by 10:45am so I can drop the kids off with my dad so I need to be in the shower by 9:30am and was scared if I went back to sleep I would never wake up again.

Maybe she is mine.

I always say that Eve can't possibly be my child because she doesn't like cheese. Adam and I love cheese and put it on EVERYTHING. She hates cheese. I am from Wisconsin so how could I not love cheese. There are 3 things we love in good old Wisconsin...cheese, beer, and sausage. I love all types of sausage...brats, summer, chedderwurst, etc...and of course I can never get enough beef jerky and snack sausage (ask Adam and he will tell you that whenever we go on a road trip I can't live without beef jerky or snack sticks.) Eve loves snack sticks. She ate half the package I bought yesterday. So apparently she is my child.

STTN

Milo slept from 8:30 pm-6am. It was awesome. Keep up the great work little man. He is also been a smiling cooing machine lately and I have been trying to get a video of him going it and every time I pull out my camera he stops and just blankly stares at me.

Body Progress Report.

So I am going to put it all out there and let you know that when I started working towards this body transformation I weighed 195.6 lbs according to my Wii fit. I am going to continue to use the Wii as my scale since it helps me keep track of everything. I did really well the first couple of weeks and then we went to WI/IL and then I got all the way up to 197.5. We are trying to get back on track with eating healthier and I have been working out for the last couple of days and I think I am looking a *little* more tight. I have been having some back issues since having Milo so I have been having a hard time going full swing into working out. I am going to the Chriopractor today so hopefully everything will start to go better from here. Adam and I are also going to eat better next week because we have had a few bad meals this week.

Stats:

Day 1: 195.6 lbs

Day 28: 193.8 lbs

Total: Down 1.8 lbs

Pictures: